Absence of Heartbeat

I know he wants me dead. I know he wants to see my face forever fixed in a sort of twisted gesture which denotes I won't cry anymore. If I'm dead, there will be no feelings for him to be responsible of. If I'm dead, he won't be constantly reminded of the mistakes he's made.

I know he wants me to be invisible. I bring shame and disgrace into his life. He needs to avoid me yet he can't. And that is why he hates me so much.

But then again, why hasn't he killed me yet? He knows he could. And I know it too. Is it because he cannot let go of what we once shared? Is it because he needs me in some way? Or is it because he might not actually want me dead?

Still, I am beginning to believe that what he once declared as being true, might actually be true. It wouldn't be the first time I make the mistake of having blind faith in one who sees it all far too well.

And it makes me sick to think of the past. I hate it when you mention the past. I don't really care about it. Why won't you kill that instead? Perhaps because it's far easier to kill the one that's yet not that strong.

Let me live, I'm begging you... just let me live. I don't need this, I don't need you. I have all I need within myself. Do not haunt me like this. I have gone through so much in order to be at peace and now you intent to disturb it. Why? What have I ever done to you? You need to be able to accept what everything has evolved into.

Assume your mistakes and have the courage to move onto the next step in this ladder, even though it gets you nowhere.