If I was to take one word out of all of the promises you have ever made, I would have to cut my tongue out before even saying anything... does this even make any sense? Lately I've been feeling like someone was trying to give me a message but using numbers instead of letters, and I just don't know what to make of it!
I don't like being left outside... it feels cold. But I do like my golden nails... and this new craziness I'm beginning to grow fond of. Now I see things with your eyes and everything's easier, much, much easier. I could also be making it all up so as to believe your lies, but then again I never seemed to understand you completely.
You return when I least need you, and that's ok. I can't quite comprehend how you could still enjoy my company. You were and still are useless. You have always been inanimate. There's nothing you can offer that I want, and there's nothing you want that I will not offer. Why, then, return? Out of loneliness, perhaps... when life seems to shrink around you and you find yourself all alone, do you desperately cling unto the nearest memory that feels safe? And in that memory live I: unbruised, unstained, waiting to be acknowledged and embraced. But I am not that memory and you should know it... I demand more and give less. I am your worst nightmare. I am the one that will love you, use you and leave you high and cold, wondering whatever happened and what you did wrong. I am the night you never want to live, the day you never hope to see. And still, you can't give up on me. And you know what I speak of, we've been through this before... do you really wish to do it all over again?
And I tried... I tried so hard to love you. I thought you deserved it. But a childish girl like me will never show any feelings due to fear of being ridiculed. Can you not see? I appreciate everything you've done and said; you've always known what to say to make me feel better. But this game is too tiring to be played when one is not in proper shape.
I demand that you leave me alone. I neither need nor want your love... but you can keep me company if you want... but don't even think that I want it! It's just that you could make my life less boring: your immature comments about everyday life could make me feel more intelligent. Your lack of talent could make me feel like a true artist. Your constant love and presence could give me exactly what I need and want without me having to admit that I actually need and want those things... those kisses, those caresses, those tears shed because of me and only me... I know: I am being selfish, but it's just that I need you... no, I don't! I don't need you, but something like you... I just wish I had the courage to admit it and be able to tell you the truth behind the way I treat you. I guess I'll just make the best out of it until it finally explodes again... as we know it will.
Oh, give up... just give up now! You'll never be as expected. Don't make such a fuss though... all the wrong done must remain untouched. I want it to be mended by the one who caused it. You have no business here. This is not your place. This is not why I need you here. Do as little as I expect and I might allow for your presence...
Is that so? Have you even noticed exactly where you are standing right now? Have you even considered the road you're choosing to follow? Whatever, I've got boobs! Yaaay!
Confusing, right?
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