The Point of no Return

It was in that moment of uncertainty that I saw not only your eyes but mine as well, and what I saw was most displeasing.

And you pleaded, and you pleaded, and you got no answer... but what was I doing wrong? Perhaps only time could tell.

If you happen to know of any means of transportation for a soul such as mine, something that is capable of lifting such a weight and take me as far into the void as possible, then do come and give me a ride, for I know he longs and waits in vain... I seek and ask for nothing, and I stay for no one.


"The worst is meant to be lost and the best is meant to shine"


Yet these are not the type of requests you would think necessary from a person who sleeps with the lights on and a certain hope that someone would keep her company one of these nights. But then again, all I may describe and all I may explain will always be shallow to the eye that has not seen reality in its nudity. But I have, and it is shiny and warm... and distant. Unreachable for the one that dwells in a hole.

The only answer that I'm yet to find lies where no questions are strong enough to pervade. And wherever that may be, it will never be near you... near any of you.

And you can cleanse it all, burn it to the ground and just start all over again, but who's to say the same evil roots will not be reborn? Also, what tender words could one say to someone who says that all the so-called truth of this world is meaningless and therefore, unsustained? I've loved a blinding light for far too long to be able to see others. So I've long since given up on those who claim to be better than me and yet cannot see the graveness of their own condition. Why would they be interested if nothing else is left to say when they themselves cannot comprehend the reasoning, the loneliness and the excuses that such a strange person may give? And really, asking for replies was just an utter waste of your precious time.

I could quote all of those thinkers whom you so admire. I could do and be all of that which would give us peace, and yet, I would fail. I've never been good at being better than I am. All I can hope for is that someone, somewhere, due to some strange mental condition, before I take my last train, happens to be able to love all of the darkness that one day decided to make a home out of my thoughts, without wanting to rescue me.

But should you give me a sign that means you are being condescending to me, I will run.

Just because you've seen it all and just because I carry a tomb on my back, it does not mean that we can build a new church on top of such doomed foundations.

All I know is that I wish to remain hidden, untouched and unseen until my time comes.

I mean, such haste, such unsteadiness... all of my vowels revolve at the mere sight of losing again, of being abandoned once more. I have nothing to lose, yet I lack the courage to take another risk. And this I regret not.