Opacity

Well I can't think of any more reasons. I just feel like no one looks at me anymore, no matter what I do. Drawing attention, avoiding being seen... it's all pointless. I'm invisible, I'm just one more. I'm never picked, never looked at, never noticed.

Isn't it rather silly and childish to suddenly want to seek this type of feeling? I guess we all have our insecurities and one of my mine is to just fade away, to stop shining.

My most beautiful thought

It's been over a year since I last wrote here.

On the cold Sunday morning that I woke up in today, I stared at his beautiful thin lips and I thought "I love him". Then, her turned his back to me, so I held him, pressed my cheeks against him and thought "Oh I do love him, I love him to death, till it hurts". That's when I started to have doubts.




Is it really to death? Does it really have to hurt? No. It isn't that way, and it shouldn't be that way. Is pain necessary for it to be real love? No, that's just my old habits doing the talk for me.

What's needed is peace, comfort, security, naturalness... Just unstained bliss without a shred of melancholic, almost teary devotion.

He's here, I'm here. We love one another. There's no fear of the unexpected, no aching for something to happen. Everything is as it needs be. No emotional rollercoaster.

We just are and love.

Vengance

I don't need YOU, I just need what I used to think we had.

And I know you remember me, you think of me every now and then, because there's something I gave you which no one else could, and there's a hidden, unacknowledged pain buried inside you, just like me.

You think you've got it all, but I will see to your doom. Eventually, you will need of me again, and then, I will strike.

My Choice

I am no different from you. I laugh, I cry, I look awful in the mornings but I'll always wake you up in a tender way.

Yet, for all the normality we have, I seem to be cast aside (largely by myself) as a sort of inadequate girl who is far too hideous to be with anyone. It seems there is a kind of acceptable level of imperfection, and mine just isn't.

Yes, you will see all my defects when if you notice me, and I have many more that I could show you, but could I ever find once again someone who will look past those imperfections?

I know my own worth, but it seems that only I can do so, mainly because I'm the only person who will dare to dig deep enough in my own soul.

Ultimate

You, little crazy girl,
is it you or them?
When will you forget
all the things they've said and done?

Hey, pretty fairy child,
nothing's good enough to keep you here.
Are you ill?
Are you blue for all the things you didn't have?

Hey, pretty lonely child,
You have never been someone else's type.
Will you cry?
Will you mourn the smile you never hoped to find?

You just keep being delusional,
when magic clearly taught you
that feelings don't work
when you are so bound to the earth.

And yet, you'll never stop asking
for things which have always been utterly denied.
Why are you such a stubborn girl?

Next in Line

I've always been a sort of beast- thirsty and voracious, avid for flesh. Some people's gaze makes me curious as to their taste. It is an indefatigable pursuit of something unreachable.

And that is why I will never belong to anyone.

There will always be a list... and you're next in line.

Author Wanted

She entered the darkness at her own risk, not knowing exactly what to expect, yet fully aware of everything she wanted to encounter.

The moonlight crept weary at her feet, slowly revealing all her feelings on sheets of paper no man would ever read. There was no time to lose, she had to let everything out before the waters of contempt washed it all away. And still, what could be said about such a strange vision? It had nothing on its favor, nothing real, nothing particular, nothing hopeful. Just nothingness creeping inside, like an unseen virus that would soon eat her alive.

She knew the answers. She had them prepared for the day in which they would ask her. Not introvertedly, not quietly, but in a strong sense of conviction which was utterly impossible to deny, lest it would become her biggest threat.

The moon looked at her and whispered slowly and in one big motion. Could she understand what was being told to her ears? Oh, no, the rest of the world had long since been abandoned, and now it was too late to express any grief for that loss.

She began writing a new page in her journal, almost hypnotized by long sentences which seemed to make no sense at all. Complicated and elaborated constructions saying things which came from the deepest corners of her inner hell. Things no one would ever know or understand, perhaps, not even herself.

Her power inside... she knew it was there, so large, so vast, yet so denied. She was too afraid of letting it out, due to fear of being fooling herself. That was always her greatest threat- not knowing when to trust in her own abilities. So she preferred her safe ignorance, deprived from hurtful disillusions.


She remembered times of happiness. Ignorant bliss. And she remembered his smell.

The smell of death. She developed an ability to recognize the scent of death, of infection. The one smell she still didn't know was the one of decay, yet she knew very well that one day, she would wake up and that smell would be too potent to be ignored, and it would come from herself, from her insides. She knew she was rotting away and did nothing to stop it. Why should she? Who would care? She certainly didn't. She was far too detached from and disenchanted with the modern world, so her desires were pass beyond it.

Passive sadness, determined isolation. Not to say it was easy, it was still a heavy burden. Too heavy perhaps for one lifetime, unless it was the final one.

Oh, the days and nights she wasted... the damage she made to herself without others knowing. Or perhaps they knew, but they had, just as her, silently and unknowingly accepted the unavoidable. She knew there was no turning back now.

The charade she lived was very strong and deterring. So she wrote. She wrote to relive herself from that weight. Her pale fingers touching the keys of her computer as if they were playing the piano, following an inner melody that had been written by no one for her soul only.

The everlasting contemplation, the silent resolution, the deadliest of all the poisons... Her words, unsaid.

Perhaps, if someone had asked, she would have mentioned it, but it was far too strange, far too annoying. And so she kept it all to herself. No one could know, no one would know.

Taking one big step into the nothingness she had always hated, she plunged into painless suicide, and left all her wounds open so that one day someone would look at them and think, 'here is at last the one I should have seen.'

It would flow like a stream of tears, it would find its cause and it would leave everything untold so that others would never relate to it. Her eternal and unique unsatisfactory tale of romance.

Nothing made any sense. She could not write it, she only knew how to feel it. What if there was someone else out there who could put her mind into words? It would have to be someone who was still in this world and who, preferably, had no plans of leaving it soon.

Dysthymia

I always knew your wounds were as big as mine; I just thought we could heal each other... what a silly idea.









I've been fighting my demons for so long, that I no longer resent them. "Bad" becomes "normal", and people not only stop caring but they also expect you to be just like them.

How could I blame them for their ignorance of my disease?

On Wings of Dust

Yes, you run now, for that's all you know how to do.

The day when I come to you will soon arrive, and when it does, you'll fear me more than ever, as you should have always done.
And you'll feel death upon your lips. Secret and noninvolved, as feeble as the night itself.

But you know I'm not here.
I'm the one whom you haven't called.
Yet all you desire is there.

Just reach at me and pretend that we love each other as then, my love, my best friend.

The soul I denied gave you the wings you needed to fly away and take all my bliss with you in the dark chest I had for a heart.

Love, leave all my cracks exposed. They're not yours to fix, not yours to mend.
The only tear I'll ever ask of you is the final one.

Let me die on a night with a full moon and a clear sky.

Bestow on me time to let everyone know the secrets they need to find their own way.

Let me remain untouched and unloved until I depart, so my tears can open the gates of my kingdom in hell, where we'll rot together.

Don't let them see me. Don't let them feel me. Make me air-like, make me unseeable, unlovable even more.

Take from me all that's hopeful and replace it with more fear and isolation.

Make me your most forsaken doll.

Inertia

I wish to be sedated once more, distracted by trivial things that prevent me from seeing the trap we're all in.

The more you need, the less happy you are.


I never really expected to live this long, so now I don't know how to make my life feel meaningful.

Silenced by the Night

I've kept again my time
when I found ashore in your need
a spark I though I'd lost
and your hands all over me.

All the whispers you'd deny me
he would have loved to give.
And all I know you know
is just not what I mean.

Only lies you've believed
yet you don't know I know
they'll go far in time with me
but I know you'd hate to know.

In your body I'm bound to find
starvation, plagues and more.
But you've said it again and again:
You'll lie to life and love.

I grant them bliss as the pray I am
and give alone the best of my last
but before they know they can make me bleed
I make sure they come as hard as fast.

For the rest that would never come,
for the life that won't be born,
for the light that's always on
but leads nobody home.

You Never Knew I Knew

"I was never wrong. You just were better than others in making me believe I wasn't right".

"You never said anything..."

"I tried to, but you never believed me".

"I didn't realize..."

"You know your problem? You complained your lungs out and you happened to be as shallow as any of them. But I can't blame you, I've done the same thing many times before and I think I'd do it again if you weren't just as you are".

"Well, what can I do?"

"Just stay away and try not to look too close or I might drawn"

The Point of no Return

It was in that moment of uncertainty that I saw not only your eyes but mine as well, and what I saw was most displeasing.

And you pleaded, and you pleaded, and you got no answer... but what was I doing wrong? Perhaps only time could tell.

If you happen to know of any means of transportation for a soul such as mine, something that is capable of lifting such a weight and take me as far into the void as possible, then do come and give me a ride, for I know he longs and waits in vain... I seek and ask for nothing, and I stay for no one.


"The worst is meant to be lost and the best is meant to shine"


Yet these are not the type of requests you would think necessary from a person who sleeps with the lights on and a certain hope that someone would keep her company one of these nights. But then again, all I may describe and all I may explain will always be shallow to the eye that has not seen reality in its nudity. But I have, and it is shiny and warm... and distant. Unreachable for the one that dwells in a hole.

The only answer that I'm yet to find lies where no questions are strong enough to pervade. And wherever that may be, it will never be near you... near any of you.

And you can cleanse it all, burn it to the ground and just start all over again, but who's to say the same evil roots will not be reborn? Also, what tender words could one say to someone who says that all the so-called truth of this world is meaningless and therefore, unsustained? I've loved a blinding light for far too long to be able to see others. So I've long since given up on those who claim to be better than me and yet cannot see the graveness of their own condition. Why would they be interested if nothing else is left to say when they themselves cannot comprehend the reasoning, the loneliness and the excuses that such a strange person may give? And really, asking for replies was just an utter waste of your precious time.

I could quote all of those thinkers whom you so admire. I could do and be all of that which would give us peace, and yet, I would fail. I've never been good at being better than I am. All I can hope for is that someone, somewhere, due to some strange mental condition, before I take my last train, happens to be able to love all of the darkness that one day decided to make a home out of my thoughts, without wanting to rescue me.

But should you give me a sign that means you are being condescending to me, I will run.

Just because you've seen it all and just because I carry a tomb on my back, it does not mean that we can build a new church on top of such doomed foundations.

All I know is that I wish to remain hidden, untouched and unseen until my time comes.

I mean, such haste, such unsteadiness... all of my vowels revolve at the mere sight of losing again, of being abandoned once more. I have nothing to lose, yet I lack the courage to take another risk. And this I regret not.

Instinct

You that haunts, you that seeks, are never far from within my reach,
for nothing so dear, so true and rare
has ever crossed my path
and opened its snare.

Taking into account all that was intended, how would it even be sufficient for such a weary soul?


It was all meant to be destructive to the tears that were contended. Should you deny me, should you imply that all this is but a lie, I'll make sure all your chances are reduced to nothing.

Why did it make you aware? Was it because you saw me, instead of others, out there, in the rain, pleading for one single chance to really be heard in this doomed night?

Oh, cruel fate, you are my true lover.

Why did you beguile me? Why did you entice me so?

Te ví

Te ví ahí, de traje y sonriéndome con una copa en la mano. Tu presencia marcó el colapso de todas mis fuerzas y me recordó que una vez yo tuve un sueño, una ilusión muy simple, y que un día se murió.


Y te lloro todavía... te lloro ya con lágrimas secas. La angustia más profunda, más arraigada es aquella que ni te deja llorarla, porque sabe que va a quedarse toda la vida... y uno también lo sabe.


Y yo quería eso... quería eso que parece tan sencillo... cómo fluye todo para unos y se traba tanto para otros... ¿cómo me va a preocupar el futuro, si sé que, sea cual sea, ya no va a ser ese?

Strange Revelations

Once the poem has been finished
The muse must be killed.



I fed on you. You and your twisted ways provided me with a good amount of inspiration.

But now I find you dull and meaningless and so I must move on.


You, who unknowingly asked for everything and felt disgusted at the very possibility of all your needs being catered for, are to be left just as you desire.



Heaven forbids you should ever find out you were wrong...

Great Expectations

Everyone gave him a half.
I gave him a whole.

Evidently, he expected more.
Or maybe my whole is less than what I had thought...

'What more could there be?'


And I know I am beautiful.
And I know I am smart.
And I know I am kind.

Why, then, would you turn away?

Sonnet 25

Am I content with such a storm
That all illusions seem to break?
It makes me think that I would crawl
If found this hour to be too late

Distracted, lost, unwilling still
I crave for you, my blackest dawn
You seem to be as lost as me
You sing and mourn the same old songs

Enchanted I, so weak, so frail
Would hurt them till I was your last
And love you till I was as pale
As time becomes when gone to dust

If you should doubt the words I say
I'd have to learn to lie again

Sonnet 27

Would I intend to find you still
If all our truth was told out loud
In perfect tunes, in rhymes that kill
And send our fears to days confined?

Yet how unjust to cling to her!
As pale your moon, as soft your kiss
I part from thee to long prepare
My nights, my days to take her bliss

Mistake me not, I claim no clues
I swear to this and slay your fate
For all I planned and all I grew
You took from me and shut the gate

Yet death, as strange, as merry, as doomed
Shall find the key, shall know 'twas you.

Airy

Whose eyes are those that stare so viciously while I long for something real, something sweet, something true? Some people just insist on complaining about not being able to see whilst covering their eyes with their own hands... And now, the very air I need decides to escape from me, leaving me tired and unable to move... I miss so many things...

By all means, do slip!

How could someone such as yourself know anything about life and death? For all we know, you're just a scared mouse trapped inside a huge cage made of cheese... as nonsensical as it may get.

If all you needed was a gentle push in order to look out from a different type of window, why then did you decide to go blind?

I could explain all you need to know in really simple terms that anyone (even you) would understand, but then again, I've never been too keen on being anyone's teacher.

So do yourself a favour: Grab whatever hopes and dreams you may still have in your pitiful life and do something about them or else you might end up as me.

All in all, this has been nothing but a dull chapter in a very poorly written novel.
"Should you slip. I should slay you. Like all the others."

Visit

Oh, hi there! I've been waiting for you, I had almost thought you had forgotten about me... how's everything going there?

So tell me, what brings you here? Did you forget something when you left? Now that I think of it, you always come back, it's just that you don't let me know... what are you still searching here? Is there something you need? Maybe something was left unsaid? You don't need to check to see if I'm ok, I'm more than ok, I'm great! There's no need for you to climb down and pay me a visit... you must be so busy...

Anyway, off you go now, into the void again... nice talking to you!

It's Alright

Told you once about your friends and neighbors
They were always seeking
But they'll never find it

It's alright, it's alright

Where to go and where to see
It's always been this way
And it can never be

 It's alright, it's alright

Give it all and ask for no return
And very soon you'll see
And you'll begin to learn
 That's it's alright, it's alright

 Don't you know that it's so good for you
You can be making love and
See it all go through

 But it's alright, it's alright

Gravity

My love,
I obey your law of gravity,
This is the fate you've carved on me...

Once upon a time I was there, unstained and untouched. Now all I could remember is destroyed as my memory gets weaker due to deforming substances... a cold-blooded murder of time, memories, love and passion... nothing good can come out of all that.

Hey, you, the one above... what does it feel like knowing there's still so much you can do? How did you find the determination to fight? And how does it feel like spending time at the centre of the earth with no consideration on the little one who prays and cries out for your mercy? Powerful indeed... needed for sure... cruel and selfish certainly... expected? Not at all... intended? Who knows... perhaps I do deserve it...

Someone must be having a blast by constantly needling me... someone waiting for me to finally crack... to finally bend and break.

Hmm

But even I,

As sick as I am,

I would never be you


Even I,

As sick as I am,

I would never be you


Even I,

Sick and depraved,

A traveller to the grave

I would never be you,



I would never be you

The Fragile

You shine
In a world full of ugliness
You matter
When everything is meaningless

Fragile
You don’t see your beauty
You try to get away
Sometimes
It’s just that nothing seems worth saving
I can’t watch you slip away

I won’t let you fall apart

You read the minds of all the people as they pass you by
Hoping someone can see
If I could fix myself I’d...
But it’s too late for me

I won’t let you fall apart

We’ll find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide
I’ll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side
But they keep waiting
And picking

It’s something I have to do
I was there, too
Before everything else
I was like you

Concealed

Well, you knew that all deceptions were to meet us someday. And when you saw the best, you expected the worst .

Millions of strange sounds echoing one single word... that devastating wind, that sensation of exclusion... if all was to be executed with such haste, then we could have at least worn our best masks and depart with so big a lie that not even we should get to question the nature of our own existence!

One by one, all my excuses fell into place, never to be distinguished again, intending to unearth the only purpose of disguising the very sense of all we had ever wanted but never dared to acquire...

And you should know me better... you know the secret reading of much of my coding... the paleness of my hands, the sparkling in my eyes, the movements of my lips... all converging into one sentence:


"That which you deny is what I need, and that which you need is what I could bring if you would only know".

A new one approaches and all I seek is a place to hide... but then again, I've never really been through the wild...

Black Chariot for the Redhead Dancing Girl

Well, what if all these nights you've spent waiting have been in vain? What if all there's left to it is nothing but one more attempt? And yet you can't stop denying it... These illusions that recurred in my head were nothing but a lonely whisper of what was never to be. Cruel conditions of lonely sentences that filled the pages of a book long dead...

Maybe the reason I've avoided could sustain me into thought but all I see, all I hear and all I've known are rivers of seduction with no traces of love. The last remnants of something greater than this truth, an all-knowing cold-looking mirror with two faces set in stone. An ugly, silly, tempted siren and an ever changing score.

All but fated, 

all but scared, 

sending minutes to my mind, 

setting markers in the night... 

all but wasted, 

all in dark.

This is what I crave to be, 

the night of days, the song of tears, 

the lonely wolf that looked too high, 

that dared to dream and risked its life. 

The elderly Sheppard, the satire inside. 

A greater hesitation the truth tries to hide. 

Place me now in waters, 

deep and running sure, 

deep and still as crimson

still and dead as you.

Waters of oblivion, 

waters with no shore.

Waters of a distance 

that I can call my home.

Far into the night.

Far from all he is.

Far from perils known.

Far from safety unseen.

Bien

¿Acaso soy la única en el mundo que se cruza con la persona más despreciable, egoísta e inmadura que hay y aun así logra quererla? ¿Y por qué yo no me cruzo con alguien así?


"'Cause there's no such thing as nothing... at all"


Constant display of meaningless emotions... a huge mess!

Well fuck you too

¿Sabés lo que no quiero?
No quiero excusas ni promesas ni deseos...

No quiero que el cuerpo diga
lo que la voz calla.
Ni que la mente quiebre
Y me deje en falta.

No quiero un no
cuando espero un sí
ni esperar el paso del tiempo
sin saber que debería huir.

No quiero construir una torre
de la que después me tenga que tirar
Ni abrir una ventana
que después tenga que cerrar.

No quiero que alguien se acerque
para que después yo me tenga que alejar.

Lo único que quiero es estar,
Siempre y cuando se me permita,
recordando lo que a cada paso se me olvida,
Lo que nunca dije y lo que debí guardar.

Do

Do remember to thank it when a year from now you find that all your stubbornness has suddenly decided to fade away. In spite of your inability to currently see and understand the scope of its impact, the clocks turned back and you found it- the platform on which to lean on and with which to gain access to a higher state.

Do remember to credit it when you find the walls crumbling down more easily than you had expected.

Think not of magic... do not consider it a work of the one on duty.

It was the platform's job. Do remember to thank it, even if you find it useless and shameful.

Once in a Blue Moon

Well, if ever I seemed to be benevolent enough so as to let you live, it was only to have the certainty that you'd witness my rebirth just as you were there for my demise.

You can see that I swim

Through the sea of painful

You have watched as I pull

Myself from the floor

And you were there when I

Built my tower like pebbles in the rain

Trying to balance all that I had left

With what I didn't have anymore

But would you tear my castle down

Stone by stone

And let the wind run through my windows

'Til there is nothing left but a battered rose

Would you tear my castle down

Stone by stone

And let the wind run through my windows

'Til there is nothing left but a battered rose

You seem so devoted

Your love is unconditional

You were self-promoted

I never asked you

You were my everything

My apparitional faith

Where are you when I am screaming to my God

What am I coming to

If I had another place to go

Would you break me, is it that you know

I have no choice but to rebuild again

I'm tied so hard I can't remember when

I last walked free upon these feet of mine

But I'll draw the line

There will come a Time

When I am stronger

Your words won't hurt any longer

Tenderness

Two years already...



Yo sé que, aunque el tiempo pasa, lo que es real jamás deja de existir... 

Uno no deja de sentir pero sí adormece algunas partes de su ser para poder seguirle el ritmo al mundo.

There's No Such Thing As Nothing

Silent Speech

I've always been good at predicting outcomes- the only problem being that on myself I can only predict the bad ones.


I've always felt this song spoke directly to and for me ever since I first listened to it about a year ago or so... the melody of the piano and most of the words chosen for the lyrics made me feel like I could finally convey the message I'd always been struggling to understand in the first place.


But it wasn't until today that I could finally understand and apply the whole of the lyrics... and so, since this is the outcome I had predicted, the message is finally received and understood... yet it's silent and filled with words I'll never get to say except for a coding in one of my posts. It's the message you never wanted to get.


I can't continue complaining about everybody going away when I'm the first to leave and ruin everything...

Untitled

"I think it's gonna rain... when I die..."

I don't want to mark another year.

Crying alone feeds the fire of disillusion and makes my desire for swift resolution stronger.

Am I Inside?

And so it is... that at the end of the road... when all heads turn away from me.


Music becomes noise
Light becomes fire
Moving becomes compulsory

Because I'm afraid, I linger...
Because I'm hurt, I've given up...

After years of ill care and little consideration, my body is finally letting me go... I've found something in me no person shall learn from my lips.



It's not the first time I'm forced to add layer on layer in an attempt to secure myself. I've been growing distant  for years now... I'm surprised it hasn't caught anyone's attention... or maybe they just don't care enough...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5Thn6hZXjY

Alienated

Has this strange show you've been putting in been helping you at all? So much for consolation...

How sad it feels to grow up... to grow apart... to grow distant... more secluded than ever, more thick-skinned than advised.


But how could I, as silly, ignorant and small as I am, could possibly reach out and even attempt to touch you, so apparently untouchable? Sleeping for almost two years now...

And I've tried to buy other's illusions, but they just don't taste like yours...

Hoy

He knows the secrets I'm trying so hard to keep. He finds consolation in them. Well, good for him...



Quiero un día en tu vida.


No puedo negar que es esta la sensación que tanto buscaba. Pero y si no es de verdad? Y si no es mas que un lobo vestido de oveja?

Se lo lleva la corriente a aquel que me busca... La corriente se encarga de llevarse todo aquello que alguna vez él quiso para mí. No hay verdad más horrible que la que hoy intento negar sin éxito.

Recuerdo los nombres de cada persona y los mantengo en mi lista de pendientes, por si acaso vuelven a aparecer. Si los tacho, si los borro, si los elimino completamente, puede que no vuelvan. Quien sabe qué secretos podría ocultar si pudiera ocultar algo. Pero no. Abro yo misma el índice de mi biografía y muestro cada capítulo pensando que tal vez alguno sea del interés de alguien. Pero no. Hay menos de lo que digo y más de lo que no quiero leer. Las palabras que se leen son relleno. Nada significa nada. Debería cerrar el libro con candado y esperar a que alguien intente abrirlo porque así es como me han dicho que funciona una persona. Pero no.

Es el revés, es el desorden, es la falta de funcionalidad y practicidad. Podría tener un envoltorio más atrayente, un relleno más amigable. Pero no.


Y me molesta todo...


Entrar en la rutina, en la norma, encajar finalmente me traería la paz que necesito a costa de todo lo que sueño, pero estaría en paz finalmente. La falta de fuerza, de determinación, de coraje y de seguridad me ancla al momento y no me doy cuenta de como pasan las horas, los días, los meses... llego lentamente al punto de quiebre, al día en el que finalmente entienda que desperdicié tanto y que no quería.


Cambio un día de mi vida por el de cualquiera. Quiero vivir en la normalidad, quiero algo de fuerza, quiero estar lejos de los que hoy están cerca y que me perjudican con sus buenas intenciones. Quiero un día lejos de la tentación, lejos de la muerte, lejos de la nostalgia, lejos del "tenía todo para ser lo mejor y va a terminar siendo mediocre". Quiero poder aprender a vivir conmigo misma, quiero finalmente lograr encerrarme y alejar a todos. Sé que inconscientemente los quiero alejar, por eso arruino todo. Quiero no necesitar, no extrañar, no amar. Quiero que el tiempo pase aun más rápido y quiero alejarme tanto y volverme tan invisible que nadie me recuerde ya cuando me haya ido. Eso quiero... desaparecer sin dejar nada atrás, ni un recuerdo lejano... y lo quiero ya.

Stranded

My body won't let me go...





Hey, you! The one with the ability to make me smile unrequestedly... get away from me now.

Libera Me

It's easy to feel when you want to... so I guess I don't...

There's more to life than this... in fact, the only purpose of living is to prepare you for Death- either yours or other's.

When you are ready and embrace Death, life becomes easier because you don't care... and the less you care, the happier you'll be.

I remember everything so well as if it had happened yesterday... there was a certain smell all over the air and soon you became permeated by it. I recall it as the scent of sickness, which I've felt in many people ever since, so I know what haunts them. Your transparent skin is forever burned in my brain as the very image of frailness and imminent dying.

I gave you my every moment, my every prayer, my every effort... I tried to keep you here... but what was I to do being as weak as I am?

Change it all...
Curse them into the living fire
And set me in their place
For it is I who needs to be born into darkness...

And I'll escape, I know someday I'll run as fast as I can, but they'll catch me and they'll murder me for good.

I can't... I can't run anymore... I can't even breathe... this guilt, this longing, this melancholy... they are all my only connection. I can't hold to what I'm supposed to.There is no crying... there is no pity I demand. I just look for lonely expectance. And they are giving me solutions... small and invisible solutions, well intended but useless... I don't want to.

Take the pill that makes you weaker
Take the pill that makes you sick
Take the pill or you’ll be sorry
Take this bloody pill and make it quick


Take the pill that kills your sex drive
Take the pill that makes you cry
Take the pill that burns your insides
Take the pill that makes you want to die


Be careful what you say…
Today could be your day…


Best that you’re not procreating
Best that you don’t multiply
Better still, let’s sterilize you
Take this pill, the Doctor’s standing by

Frauenliebe

November might not be necessary after all...



 Seit ich ihn gesehen, 
 Glaub ich blind zu sein; 
 Wo ich hin nur blicke, 
 Seh ich ihn allein; 
 Wie im wachen 
 Traume 
 Schwebt sein 
 Bild mir vor, 
 Taucht aus tiefstem 
 Dunkel, Heller nur empor. 


 Sonst ist licht und farblos 
 Alles um mich her, 
 Nach der Schwestern Spiele 
 Nicht begehr ich mehr, 
 Möchte lieber weinen, 
 Still im Kämmerlein; 
 Seit ich ihn gesehen, 
 Glaub ich blind zu sein.

Fair Play

When you love someone for whom you have to change and sacrifice many things in yourself and your life in order to meet their expectations... when you eventually learn to trust and even rely on that person, and you decide to take the risk of probably being disappointed and let down... when you expose every part of you and you share every piece of each dream that you hold dear... you are quite possibly digging your own grave. And is it really worth the trouble?

Most people are selfish, heartless, self-centered, insecure about themselves... most people will want to change you only to stop loving you once you've become what they intended. They will disrespect you, insult you and even hurt you, both spiritually and physically, in order to feel good about themselves. They will only care about their own needs, neglecting yours and expecting you to always be there without asking anything in return.

In short, most people haven't got the faintest idea of what loving someone actually means and involves. They ignore (and couldn't care less about) the fact that you are laying your heart into their hands for them to look after with the same dedication with which you'll be looking after what you believe to be their heart but is nothing but a cold stone.

And it's all a game, really... but they just never learn the rules. Do not play unless you know, understand and follow at least some of the rules of the game!
Do not touch if you are not going to be careful. 
Do not see if you are not intending to look. 
Do not ask if you are not willing to reply. 
Do not create something you are not going to be fully responsible for.

But above all, do not enter the game if you are not willing to play for you might come across one player who's not only intending to play but who is also needing to win.

These are all just random thoughts on things I see people around me are currently experiencing. Nothing to be taken personally.

Dreams

At times I like to pretend that you have just woken up from a long dream which helped you understand everything. It is the only illusion I've been able to manufacture and place by my bed. I don't really dare to go any further.

If my will had been stronger, I know I would have succeeded a long time ago. But by the time I had finished uttering the first sentences you had already removed and denied all meaning. I guess you were, by all means, the greatest link to a more sensible way of living, but it's in that same comfort that I found the most solid of all walls.

I no longer own time. I've learnt to let it lead the way.


Yet I'd love to be allowed to exhale all of the air I've been storing while holding my breath to swim in your treacherous ocean of lies.

I just wanted to say

that I don't get it... I just don't...













I seek oceans because my heart longs for water and I can't swim...

Hum... well...

Intensely searching through the night.

Another resting spot to provide...
my awareness...

Invite me to your gathering
nobody needs to know...

Leaving the scars that I cherished
out of reach to meet my shore
viewing only my disguised respiration
ever perfect, ever pure

Welcome, honey, to your tomb
instead of nails...
touch it, you might love it
humble servants only stare

Yes...
only I could read
unsaid words

Kill

You embody everything I may never need.
You bring everything I'll try to avoid for the rest of my life.

Annoying you...
Ignoring you...
Know I any other way to kill feelings?

You are the seed of the storm that was predicted to be my doom. And so, as of now, you are to become nothing but a stone, neglected and forgotten... abandoned.

But you come, always... searching for something... and I try to comply, I try to meet your egoistic demands.

"she feeds him... that's why she'll be back again"

Fire for your desire
Food for your hunger
Rest for your thoughts
And a good aim for your anger

What are you waiting for? Go ahead, shoot. Strike through. It's all that's missing. Your death stroke, your finishing line. The turning of events and, eventually, the rotting of every dream.

You must be so disappointed at your fairy witch who's let every doubt destroy its wings...

Ironic

Among the many things I've been mistaken in, there's a whole lot that I've never wanted to admit... but reality is far too evident to be ignored, and one error which has lately been smashing against my face too often is the one that exhibits my ignorance regarding relationships. So much, that I feel I should have already retired from the idea a long time ago.

It is true. The less you love, the more you'll be loved. Who would have figured? Apparently, the answer to being that one person that changes everything... that one person you would dream and think about... is to be almost unreachable and elusive. To be consistent in certain small details that seem to be so relevant and then, to just be a plain bitch.

Think not about giving, caring, loving, amusing, sharing, understanding or just being there... the key lies in awakening the worst memories and making them relive the worst abandonment scenarios so they could feel home, for that must be all they've ever known. Bother not in wasting smiles, glances, kisses and comfort, it's all worthless. You'll never get to matter that much for you've given your soul on a plate to someone who was after the chase instead of the prize, and therefore, it's not valuable. You are not valuable. You give them nothing to weep about, so you are consequently unlovable.

Mind you, not everything you say and do will remain unnoticed. The ones that are selfish enough will see the opportunity and take it. Could I blame them? I've done the same thing for years... and so, like a karmic circle of unwanted yet generously offered attention, we move about this strange and narcissistic game, in which rules are clear only for those who risk nothing on it yet win from all sides. Still, should you win, you'd become nothing but a lord of the flies, for the prize obtained will soon not suffice. Getting caught in this "caucus race" when searching for real love is pointless.

I'm now close to abandoning this roulette. When I first took place in it, I didn't have much to bet yet I dared to, for I knew no other way (and the game of love is only one). In time, with almost no victory in my hands but one that was taken from me, I ran out of tokens, so I had to leave, broke and disillusioned.

And I became a silly, whining little girl who never got it right. I never knew I was wanting to buy something in the wrong market.



You've managed to turn me into someone I never thought I'd be. I dared to look upon the face of danger and fear whilst taking a final shot in being what I was supposed to be. I tried to do things they correct way, ignoring desire, for once, for you, but you care not, and that's what hurts the most. It's nothing but a crying shame that so much eventually represents so little...

I see now the rules and they make me feel like giving up. This isn't what I want to be involved in. Should this be what love is all about, I prefer to remain not in love.

So I've set a date, a deadline by which I must make a resolution. It's close now, and nothing seems to have changed much. Only foul words that wind took as fast as they came. And being so close to that date by which I know everything is going to become one more failure for the list, my strength fades sooner and I stumble even more.

I don't wanna play anymore...

Doing my Time

And so everything's come to this.

All the using, all the abusing I laid on others is returning to me, thrice as hard, as it should be.

I am doing my time. I am paying for the scars. I am no longer master, I've become the servant.


I must face this time of regret and shame, standing strong and learning the lesson until my efforts become like water and I'm able to drift into unconsciousness.


I see now all of the deceit laid upon my own actions. All the selfishness concealed, all the fears disguised... and I will succeed for I know I'm ten times more brave than you are.

A Reason

You ask why and I cannot answer. You tell me to stay and I cannot believe you. Why is it that I can never trust you? I can never rest with you... yes, I know, there's no need for you to remind me of how I've been. I just wish I could take this one little stone... this one final chance... and cast it into the right place. Just for once, I'd like to win...

And you keep asking why... I guess you could say I'm searching for the missing leg in my table.




Midnight... cold and harsh as needed, to make everything worse...

Absence of Heartbeat

I know he wants me dead. I know he wants to see my face forever fixed in a sort of twisted gesture which denotes I won't cry anymore. If I'm dead, there will be no feelings for him to be responsible of. If I'm dead, he won't be constantly reminded of the mistakes he's made.

I know he wants me to be invisible. I bring shame and disgrace into his life. He needs to avoid me yet he can't. And that is why he hates me so much.

But then again, why hasn't he killed me yet? He knows he could. And I know it too. Is it because he cannot let go of what we once shared? Is it because he needs me in some way? Or is it because he might not actually want me dead?

Still, I am beginning to believe that what he once declared as being true, might actually be true. It wouldn't be the first time I make the mistake of having blind faith in one who sees it all far too well.

And it makes me sick to think of the past. I hate it when you mention the past. I don't really care about it. Why won't you kill that instead? Perhaps because it's far easier to kill the one that's yet not that strong.

Let me live, I'm begging you... just let me live. I don't need this, I don't need you. I have all I need within myself. Do not haunt me like this. I have gone through so much in order to be at peace and now you intent to disturb it. Why? What have I ever done to you? You need to be able to accept what everything has evolved into.

Assume your mistakes and have the courage to move onto the next step in this ladder, even though it gets you nowhere.

A Letter to a Friend

I have a friend who's just marvellous. Yet I rarely see him for he's too busy living life. I miss him but I'm happy for him.

This friend knows me better than anyone on Earth. He's seen almost all my faces, he has stayed up all night for me and he has made me laugh whenever I needed to.

And he once loved me, but I wasn't ready so I just let him pass my way. He sometimes refers to me as his little witch, and in that nature I decided to cast a spell on him to give him all the joy in life that I would never have the courage to mantain but that he deserved oh so much.

Luckly, my powers have always been great. He is nowadays as merry as any human can only imagine of being. By his side sleeps the woman I could have been but never was going to. The woman I created with my magic and guided towards him.

Future's bright for them and that makes me smile. To think I cannot hold him makes me sad but to know that he, nonetheless, receives the best hugs a girl can give makes me happy.

I gave him the life I wanted for myself because, given the state of my mind, the state which I have always lived with and that got even worse after my love died, all of that would have been utterly wasted in me.

And I never even took a picture with him...

Night of the Witches

Why do you fear us like this?
Is it not safe to be surrounded
by nothing but shadows?

Arresting us like this can never be good
if you are ever to be forgiven...

Why do you resent us like this?
Is it not hard enough to find consolation
in the illusory god that has betrayed you?

Why do you question our authority?
You shall never be forgiven...

Facing the night that we'd never conceived.

Facing the nightmare that we'd never believed.

We are all ashes, all dead...  yet not gone.
All along, in love with the shadows...
You are the hunters, we are the preys...
We are all that you've ever known
Yet more than you could bear.

You were not meant to forget our names
For we've always been destined to return.
And it is here, at the end of time,
When all powers given to others
Return to the origin of the mother
To be cleansed, to be renewed,
That we, chanting spells outloud,
Finally come out of the dark.
But remain brides to the night
And daughters to the moon.

We are your only connection to your own godliness.

Tattoo

It left me there... alone, unwanted. Surrounded by the dark, I lost touch with reality. I tried to whisper to see if anyone would hear, but it seemed to have taken the very breath from my lungs.

There was nothing left to say, to do... all had been uncovered. Its intentions were clear now. Soon, I would be terminated.

With a slow pace, delayed out of pure enjoyment, all earthly barriers were taken down. Dressed with nothing but my most simple gown, it adored the sight. So much so, that it was incapable of containing its anger.

The strange sounds uttered, the nonsense of the places visited, the hours spent trying to confront it were all wasted at the presence of a whimsical threat which youth made real and significant.

And as if not satisfied with unseen marks, a scar was left so as to forever burn both under and on my skin.

It made itself imposible to be forgotten.

Dead Rose

Why would you leave it hanging on my doorknob when you know it's not safe out there? The price we've paid was never too high so let's not complain now. But it's taken me a long way to get here and I plan on staying a while longer.

I guess my actions have never been constant enough so as to create a steady impression of me. It's just that you were always running around pretty gardens and I would always get hurt with thorns chasing you. Still, you say I was never good enough.

To think I would have given you everything... the sky I'll never own, the sea I'll never dive in... all of my sadness and clumsiness... all tied up with a pretty ribbon of sweetness and naivety... all for you.

Angustia

Esta angustia que no sabe, que desespera,
Que te llama a gritos y aún te espera...
Esta angustia, solitaria y penetrante
Que no es comprensiva ni pensante,
Que solo sabe cortar en mis momentos,
Que solo sabe inventar mentiras y cuentos...
Esta angustia que en mí decidió internarse,
Que un día llegó e insiste en quedarse,
Que no comprende que es en vano
Esperar a quien dormita muy lejano...
Esta angustia sin piedad ni reparo
Que parece disfrutar del desamparo,
Que me dice siempre al oído susurrando
Que no hay cura para lo que me está matando.
Esta angustia pesada y aburrida
Que se ha dedicado estos años a comerme la vida
No comprende que nunca nadie ha regresado
Del lugar a donde la muerte te ha llevado.

Marcas

Intenté encajar pero no lo consigo porque tengo una marca demasiado grande para que no se vea... cualquier persona que se cruza conmigo la ve y huye...

Media Verónica despierta

le molesto la luna por la ventana abierta

llego una carta desde el frente el cántaro

se rompe

y se seco la fuente

va a decidir que hacer cuando despierte 

del todo y borrar con la mano lo que

ayer escribió con el codo

habrá que ver

si la crónica verónica reacciona

la verónica mitad

tiene muy poca maldad

pero esta cansada de esperar

media verónica esta rota

no tiene muchos años pero le hicieron daño, 

rompió una lanza por la risa

pero no tiene prisa y se ríe muy poco

no va a saber que hacer 

cuando no sople mas viento

no sabe distinguir el amor 

de cualquier sentimiento

quiere vivir

una vida diferente cada día

la verónica-mitad

esta en la flor de la edad 

pero esta cansada de esperar

en la ventana hay una nota: el pájaro

no vuela, tiene las alas rotas

media verónica lamenta

que el tiempo se consume y lo demás no cuenta

la vida es una cárcel con las puertas abiertas

Verónica escribió en la pared con la tripa revuelta

nada que ver

no habrá flores en la tumba del pasado

la verónica mitad dice siempre la verdad

pero esta cansada de esperar.

Desorden

Cada paso de esta enmarañada danza
Lo doy con nauseas y sin gracia alguna,
Girando sin aire y avanzando sin confianza,
Dando saltos desordenados y sin soltura.

Como recuerdo constante de este malestar
El cuerpo me duele e impaciente me reclama.
Y es que hoy hasta la muerte se hace desear
Tanto que dispone como tumba mi propia cama.

Y como a un poeta infantil, cruel y sin voluntad
Debo calmarlo con inspiración, azar y fantasías.
Pero tantos deseos tiene de verme en soledad
Que despliega eficientemente todas sus manías

Contra cualquier ser que pudiera tener el valor
De ver más allá de la tragedia y así poder cantar,
Con guitarra nueva que aporte otro color,
La melodía de mi alegría sin llegar a desentonar.

La Divina

Mi instinto no puede estar equivocado cuando le pregunto qué tengo que hacer y me indica claramente "eso".


El ignorante sin valor para arriesgarse vive más feliz y contento... más seguro... pero yo no quiero eso. Y aunque a mi alrededor todo y todos vayan acomodando sus piezas y yo aún sigo detrás de esa pieza, tan difícil de conseguir, no pienso cambiar de dirección.

Natalie Dessay dijo: "I want to make a revolution in opera. Nobody wants me to do it ... But I don't care."

Maria Callas dijo: “It's a terrible thing to go through life thinking that you have a rock on your side when you haven't.”

Joan Sutherland dijo: "You can listen to what everybody says, but the fact remains that you've got to get out there and do the thing yourself."



Sin embargo, cuando se tiene un talento increíble Y la confianza para reconocerlo, es menos extenuante tenerse fe y seguir andando, sin prestar atención a lo que los demás esperan de uno... cuando no se tiene esas dos condiciones, siempre está el miedo del autoengaño y de la ingenuidad... y es que ser ingenua e ilusa es lo que más odio.

Someting hurts...

and it hurts, and it hurts, and it hurts, and it hurts, and it hurts, and it hurts, and it hurts, and it hurts, and it hurts, and it hurts...



Inside, unfriendly
To any accusation of insanity
Preferably, non-trendy.
Shall remain deprived of morality

How my eyes adore the sight
Of all your twisted fear
Which, behind false might,
Lie hidden in dark atmosphere.

To see them jerk and curl
Upon my presence so denied
Remembering past. Mine does curve
For mine is free and untied.

And this is your confession.
Out of forgotten days come you,
So lonely, seeking my affection,
avoiding the reflection of your own tomb.

Quizás porque no soy un buen poeta

Puedo pedirte que te quedes quieta

Hasta que yo termine estas palabras

Quizás porque no soy un gran artista

Puedo decir tu pintura está lista

Y darte orgulloso este mamarracho

Quizás porque no soy de la nobleza

Puedo nombrarte mi reina y princesa

Y darte coronas de papel de cigarrillos

Quizás porque soy un mal negociante

No pido nada a cambio de darte

Lo poco que tengo, mi vida y mis sueños

Quizás porque no soy un buen soldado

Dejo que ataques de frente y costado

Cuando discutimos de nuestros proyectos

Quizás porque no soy nada de eso

Es que estás aquí en mi lecho

And then you come from behind
To haunt sleepless nights
The one to whom I shan't say good bye
Though I saw you in no bed lie.

Ten nights waiting for what never came,
On silly hopes my faith I laid
My dark tears myself trying to refrain
From falling head-first into deep despair.

"Good-night, good-night! parting is such sweet sorrow
That I shall say good-night till it be morrow.”

In this Serenity

Well, maybe I've been wrong all along...

Easy and safe, as it might seem,
I cannot tell if I've ever been right
About all of the hurt that I've concealed
Behind bright laughter and tender eyes

I've cried for long, longer than enough
Unnamed fears come now and then
Yet I'm not allowed to weep anymore
I must remain as still as the dead



I pretend that all I do is ok, that no hands could grasp me even if they tried... that no wind, strong as it may be, could ever bring me down... but sometimes, on certain days, under certain conditions, I feel so weak that any mild breeze could easily bring my whole castle to the ground.And even though I might hate it, the stillness and serenity that come from being all alone, surrounded by nothing by death and nostalgia, does a great deal of good on my soul.

Sometimes I need to recharge my battery so I can keep on playing the role... but in actuality, it's been quite some time since I gave up. I just can't care...

Much Ado About Nothing

If I was to take one word out of all of the promises you have ever made, I would have to cut my tongue out before even saying anything... does this even make any sense? Lately I've been feeling like someone was trying to give me a message but using numbers instead of letters, and I just don't know what to make of it!

I don't like being left outside... it feels cold. But I do like my golden nails... and this new craziness I'm beginning to grow fond of. Now I see things with your eyes and everything's easier, much, much easier. I could also be making it all up so as to believe your lies, but then again I never seemed to understand you completely.

You return when I least need you, and that's ok. I can't quite comprehend how you could still enjoy my company. You were and still are useless. You have always been inanimate. There's nothing you can offer that I want, and there's nothing you want that I will not offer. Why, then, return? Out of loneliness, perhaps... when life seems to shrink around you and you find yourself all alone, do you desperately cling unto the nearest memory that feels safe? And in that memory live I: unbruised, unstained, waiting to be acknowledged and embraced. But I am not that memory and you should know it... I demand more and give less. I am your worst nightmare. I am the one that will love you, use you and leave you high and cold, wondering whatever happened and what you did wrong. I am the night you never want to live, the day you never hope to see. And still, you can't give up on me. And you know what I speak of, we've been through this before... do you really wish to do it all over again?

And I tried... I tried so hard to love you. I thought you deserved it. But a childish girl like me will never show any feelings due to fear of being ridiculed. Can you not see? I appreciate everything you've done and said; you've always known what to say to make me feel better. But this game is too tiring to be played when one is not in proper shape.



I demand that you leave me alone. I neither need nor want your love... but you can keep me company if you want... but don't even think that I want it! It's just that you could make my life less boring: your immature comments about everyday life could make me feel more intelligent. Your lack of talent could make me feel like a true artist. Your constant love and presence could give me exactly what I need and want without me having to admit that I actually need and want those things... those kisses, those caresses, those tears shed because of me and only me... I know: I am being selfish, but it's just that I need you... no, I don't! I don't need you, but something like you... I just wish I had the courage to admit it and be able to tell you the truth behind the way I treat you. I guess I'll just make the best out of it until it finally explodes again... as we know it will.

Oh, give up... just give up now! You'll never be as expected. Don't make such a fuss though... all the wrong done must remain untouched. I want it to be mended by the one who caused it. You have no business here. This is not your place. This is not why I need you here. Do as little as I expect and I might allow for your presence...

Is that so? Have you even noticed exactly where you are standing right now? Have you even considered the road you're choosing to follow?  Whatever, I've got boobs! Yaaay!

Confusing, right?

Faces Like Mine

Do tell me, please, I beg you... where is this substance that you once spoke of? Should I go deeper? Should I look somewhere else? It is so disappointing to try and find something you know none shall carry....

Why should I conceal it? Why should I abide? Is there any reason, good or bad, that would enable me to render another scream in trying to disguise the meaningless riddle that he has offered me? He left, I stayed. There isn't much to be added to this short drama. Only consequences...


"Think of your darkest nights, think of your soul alone... if you can bear the sight, think of the love you've never known..."

Just once more, let me see him just once more... it's all I ask... don't become air-like so soon--- can't you see that I still need you? Should I keep my promise? Is it what you want from me? I guess I could... maybe all of this is nothing but delaying the unavoidable... Is this all the comfort you can offer now? Is this it? I would have expected to find much more... I thought you would walk with me throughout the whole of my remaining years. And yet... I don't feel you any more... and this scares me... you are the only thing in this world that I find to be worth fighting for, the only thing that helps me believe, the only thing that I can consider pure and magical... Is this really it? Is this really the end? I can't help but think that I should just... jump. I wish I could master the strength to do so... jump--- into the nothingness... into the cold hard floor... destroying everything in seconds... only to find I'm complete once more.

Unwillingness

In the end, resignation and acceptance might hold the key to a happier life. I might just have to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't born gifted at any of the things I really love. I am beginning to believe I am absolutely ordinary- no special talents and no time left to foster any in the way they should have been culvitated in my early years.

A simple and peaciful life, though mediocre, deprived from anything extraordinary might be what I'll have to settle with: English seems to be the only thing I'm good at, therefore I might teach for a living., filling the empty spaces with small simple things that ordinary people somehow seem to get so much from, such as buying things, owning pets and maybe studying another language. I guess it's all I can do... I could take up knitting...

I'm not special... I'm just one more fish in these huge ocean of people who once wished but were not allowed to obtain. And the sooner I acquiesce the better...

Pure Morning

How sad it must be to know someone misses you due to the emptiness in their lives instead of whatever you might be...

Pretending to be asleep
In this ever clumsy fight
Away from the black sheep
I'll lead a steady flight


Leaving action for tomorrow
Neglecting bliss and sorrow


Ignorance as my shield
Oh so skeptical and leery
Who in my chest is sealed
That feels so heavy and weary?


Heaven and hell in panic run
Keeping away from everyone

On a Journey

In my weary quest for acceptance I have come to the bitter conclusion that I've been living a lie within a lie... a non-stop argument with the many sides of my personality which leaves me too tired to even try and distinguish which is the original one... How could I ever leave the comforting safety of a downfall?

This can't be it... I know there's more... much, much more, and it will all come from me or else I may see the unwanted end materialize.

Faces Like Mine

You say you're curious
Can't leave a thing to your imagination
I wish you'd close your eyes
But oh you seem so serious
I should enjoy the sweet interrogation
You start to hypnotize me
I should not be telling you
I'm flattered by your interest
Who am I talking to
Could be the demon with a mask
Why should I trust in you?
I don't feel safe
I never did
But what else can I do
But what you ask?


Think of your darkest night
Think of your soul alone
If you can bear the sight
Think of the love you've never known
Yes, it's unusual
To live your life this way
All I can say
Maybe that's why you don't see
Faces like mine every day


You'd like to stir it up
Just like a sad, forgot until remember
I didn't ask for this
But still you hold me in your gaze
And from my lips
The moments I have captured
Still I'm in reminiscencance
From a place you'll never know
I find the strength to tell you things I hardly ever show
My mirror holds your severed tongue
But in your amber eyes
I see the the questions never end
I never could disguise
So why pretend?


Think of your darkest night
Think of your soul alone
If you can bear the sight
Think of the love you've never known
Yes, it's unusual
To live your life this way
All I can say
Maybe that's why you don't see
Faces like mine every day


Who will forget me?
No one knows I've done wrong
Won't you believe me?
'Cause I won't last that long
No, I
I wanna be quiet now
All alone
Back to my shadow
I'm gonna hide behind
The trouble in my mind


You say you'll stay around
You've finally found the answer to my story
Congratulations, love
So go ahead, decipher me
And solve the puzzle if you need the glory
I wish I could be of your kind
I need to be alone
To tell you how much you don't know
It isn't what I've done
But rather what I hold inside
Even if I give up
I won't be victim to your game
You're only free when you have nothing left


Think of your darkest night
Think of your soul alone
If you can bear the sight
Think of the love you've never known
Yes, it's unusual
To live your life this way
All I can say
Maybe that's why you don't see
Faces like mine every day
Every day